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2/02/04 † 10:00 p.m. MY VIEWS ON SEX, CLOTHES, & DATING |
Sex
Sex is one of God's most wonderful gifts meant to be expressed between married couples (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 & Hebrews 13:4). I'm committed to abstinence until marriage, not only because it's the right way to go, according to God, but also because it makes the most sense logically.
Let me try to explain that by listing some of those reasons real quick: When you give away your body to a guy, you have nothing left to give to your husband...It's not true love- if it was, the guy would be patient enough to wait- I Corinthians 13 talks about, "love is PATIENT..." There is more to love than just sex...Sex eventually wears out and gets boring- just take a look at your local grocery store or some email spam & you'll see that people get bored with it; why practice with mutiple partners & make it eventually be boring? Why not just have one partner?...1 in 13 people today contract AIDS alone, not counting all the other STDs going around, in which the stats of contraction are even higher...condoms aren't 100% fool proof...you might end up pregnant...birth control isn't fool proof...often, upon having sex with the guy, since there is nothing left for him to "use," or "conquer," he will leave you and try to find some other girl to fulfill his cravings.
That short list alone is enough to remind me that God's way is always the best way. He doesn't tell us these things to keep us from having fun- He tells it to keep us from getting hurt. I don't think that 5 minutes of fun is worth all that.
Clothes
Since I believe in abstinence until marriage I don't (or at least I try not to) be sexually appealing by dressing sexy- otherwise, that's the kind of attention I'll attract. I also don't want to cause my brothers in Christ to lust, which God says is wrong because lust gives birth to sin (James 1:15), and He also says that lust is just as bad as actually committing the sin (Matthew 5:28) and I also believe that when God says in the Bible, "women should dress in modest apparel, with modesty and consideration," (I Timothy 2:9-10) He means it- it's not an option to anyone who calls themselves a follower of Christ.
So I don't wear stuff that's too low in the front, too tight, or too short...although that's definitley a struggle sometimes because what's IN in is not necessarily within those guidelines. I don't believe modesty means you have to dress like you're from the Victorian era. You can still dress cute/stylishly...but it takes ALOT of work...and I'm probably not the best example of STYLE persay just because I hate shopping for clothes/spending money on them. :) But one day, when I'm rich and famous (just kidding), you can bet I'll have my own personal fashion consultant! :)
Dating
Since I'm not ready for marriage (more on that below), I'm not out shopping for a husband. In fact, the only Person who knows when I WILL be ready for marriage is God. I know He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11), and He knows me better than I could ever know myself, and so who better to pick out the guy I will marry?? Therefore, I don't date. Here's how all this "weirdness" about me came to be.
I was mainly influenced to do this through my parents, who never dated (and just celebrated their Silver [25th] Anniversary December 21st, 2003!!). Also, I went to a Joshua Harris conference when I was 14, and was given his book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye (which I read). Although I didn't accept the idea at the time (I wanted a boyfriend even though I'd never had one!!), it still stuck in my mind as a very weird idea...and maybe possibly doable...but not KISS till I get married?!? HOW WEIRD IS THAT...I wasn't sold out on that idea, or the not dating at all idea until later...
When I was 18 I still had never been on a date, or been kissed- and thought something was extremely wrong with me because of that. Well, I went to another conference, called Summit, in Manitou Springs, CO, and met a girl there who was 21, GORGEOUS, and had never been kissed!!! I realized that not having been kissed is a special thing- and decided FOR MYSELF to save that for my wedding day from that point on. I also struggled with the idea alot that there wouldn't be a guy out there waiting for me- until I met my friend Chris at Summit, who was 16 and had never been kissed, and was saving his first for HIS wedding day!! I also met Caleb, another guy who didn't believe in dating...and these were your average guys...not some homely guys who couldn't get a girlfriend and so made that choice (as I assumed would be the only person I could get if I didn't start running around kissing all the guys I met). :)
At Summit, this girl also encouraged us to not date, and focus just on serving God while we were single...and so, I finally bought the idea for myself, making a public stand (literally) by standing with the few who had decided to do this that day, back in 2000.
Since then, I have continued to read books on waiting on God's timing for romance; and been re-convinced when the going gets tough, that this is the way I should go. Not only because the authors wrote so convincingly- but also because God revealed this to me through verses like Proverbs 4:23 & 1 Corinthians 7:34-35.
What I'm Doing Instead
Well, just `cuz I don't date, that doesn't mean I never EVER talk to guys...I have guy friends...and they'll stay just friends...although I can't always stop crushes from happening, and "just being freinds" with guys gets very difficult sometimes...especially around Valentine's Day. :)BUT...The biggest reason I just treat guys as friends is because I want give my ENTIRE heart and body to my future husband, whoever he may be- not just the leftovers of what all the other guys from past relationships used. I don't believe there could be anything more romantic than being able to look HIM in the eyes and say, "I saved EVERYTHING for you, because I loved you before I even met you!" But then, I am just an ultra-romantic type of girl. :)
So basically, instead of trying to FIND my Prince Charming, I'm trying to BECOME Cinderella...or something like that. :) I hope to become a Proverbs 31 woman one day...although I realize that is a HIGH goal, and I am far from it!! I know I will never reach perfection- but I also believe that when I am ready for marriage God will let me know. :) I'm working on becoming content with whatever circumstance I'm in (and believe me, I'm not there yet), whether that's singlehood or marriage, because I believe that no earthly being can make you 100% happy. Only GOD can do that!!
In my opinion, today's pattern of dating "until-he-does-something-I don't-like-or-we-don't-get along-and-then-we'll-break-up" is just a recipe for divorce. Alot of marriages today, I believe, don't succeed because people haven't learned how to be happy while they were single, and so, are hoping that the person they marry will make them happy. When they don't (which they can't- no earthly person is perfect!!) they get divorced because they think they'll find that happiness in someone else...hence the many divorces and 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages we see going on today...I want my marriage to last "till death do us part," and I don't feel that dating will lead to that- it only teaches you to go into a relationship looking for what YOU can get out of it, not what you can give the other person...which is not only selfish, but will lead to problems when you no longer "feel good" about the relationship. Dating is also harmful because it can take your focus off of God- taking Him out of the #1 position He's supposed to be in your life, and putting a guy there in His place, is not a good idea. :)
The Bible also talks about being single as a GIFT- so I'm setting out to try and discover and use this gift to the best of my abilities. I also take 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, which talks about how a single woman serves God, and a married woman pleases her husband, pretty literally...as you can see.
How Will I Get Married If I Don't Date?
Good question. To be honest, I don't quite know how it will all work out. But I DO know the One who DOES know. And I'm willing to trust all those details to Him. I just don't see a reason to date every guy that comes along that is cute, nice, a strong Christian, and whatever else it is that most girls look for in a guy these days (I have my own list, which I'll post one of these days).
Especially when I think about the fact that I could be dating a guy and THE ONE walks by, sees me dating, and keeps on walking because I'm already "taken." JUST THINK- I could be missing out on the person God wants me to be with, the person I am PERFECT for!!
I also don't see a need to get my heart broken...in fact, there's a verse which says, "ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life." (Proverbs 4:23). So, unless there is some kind of committment at the end of a relationship, I don't want to be in one.
I believe that when the time comes, God will show me that one of my guy friends is The One (and vice versa). And just to make sure it's not just our feelings, we'll ask the godly advice of older couples/parents/pastors. Then we'll get engaged. I think. I honestly have NOO idea how it all will work out...but I just believe that right now, I'm supposed to be focused on serving God. Which is really hard...but it's what I'm trying to do!! Another example of all this working out in real life is Eric and Leslie Ludy's book, "When Dreams Come True."
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