1/10/04 † 1:11 a.m. WHY DIDN'T I GO HOME?

Why didn't I go home?? I should have gone home over the weekend. I shouldn't have put myself in this position. It was bound to happen. I only have myself to blame. I guess I had hoped things would turn out better though. Yeah, HA HA...or, perhaps the better question is, why did I move here in the first place? I should have kept doing the hour long commute. No, I shouldn't have...but I should've picked a different room, `cuz it's very tough sharing a friend.

NO, wait, an even better question is, why did I sign up on the "not dating" boat wagon? I'm so sick of not having a guy around/being a loner `cuz all the girls have got THEIR guys for the weekend...

Wait, no, what I should be doing is just focusing on God. Yeah. But is THAT hard or WHAT?!? `Cuz God can't physically be here at the moment and make me stop feeling sorry for myself...more importantly, He's not a guy. But do I truly need a guy? Guys can't REALLY satisfy you....only God can. I know that. But it's so hard...and I am so tired of waiting for my "prince" to come. Yeah, like that will ever happen in this century...

Despite all this, something inside of me whispers gently, "just hold on Candace, it's not much longer till you're ready and I'll bring him to you..." Something still gives me hope to hold out.

Why is it that I haven't learned how to be patient yet??? Why is it such a hard lesson to learn? And why am I so HARD-headed and STILL haven't learned how to let God satisfy me instead of trying to fill that gap with imperfect people???

Alright, now it's time for me to go cry myself to sleep...maybe.

|
previous † next

© copyright 2004 by cDesigns host: diaryland