Just so you know, I seriously have had a lot of good days recently because a couple of weeks ago I spent 2 hours in God's Word and that really lifted me up. THAT'S why I haven't been writing in here lately, I seem to tend to only write when I have a bad day as a form of release- but I'm going to try to fix it; I've gotten alot of emails, I guess people think I'm REALLY down. But no, I just have really bad days every now and then, and unfortunately, I forget to write about my good ones.

But anyhow, back to the story...I had slacked off on my reading again and fallen back down...I started rushing around trying to make it to Sunday School, but when I looked up, it was 9:21 and Sunday School started at 9:30 and it was a 30 minute drive across town. I was mad, because I haven't made it it AGES and I had actually gotten up early enough to make it that morning, but somehow the time escaped me- I think it was a God thing, because, since I was ready to go, I had nothing to do. So I sat on my bed and opened my Bible, because I knew I needed to be with God to fix things.

As I was praying about what to read, Proverbs 4:23, which says, "Above all else, guard your heart" popped into my head. So I decided to look that up. I read it...and then noticed that at the bottom of my Bible it had a word study on "Beauty." I have a Woman's Study Bible) WOW. It was directly a message from God, because that little box of info went on to say that there is more to beauty than outer appearance (duh- my inner beauty is actually one of the things that keeps me so depressed some days, because I feel I have no personality) but that true beauty stems from inner beauty (duh). But what I DID learn, is that inner beauty can ONLY come from being with Jesus. It was like WOA. "Yeah, okay, God, I hear ya now!!" :) It also went on to say that a beautiful woman is gracious, pure, and modest...and I followed the page references to the word studies on those and found a whole lot more "meaty" stuff from God, and before I knew it, my whole countenance had just lifted because I had spent all that time with God.

Well, God reminded me sometime later that day that I had told Him I might go out on a date with Him sometime. See, I've felt God calling me to do this, probably since 2 weeks ago. He told me that He I had already succeeded 4 years ago by deciding not to date- but then He said I needed to take it a step further by actually literally dating Him...go to the movies and dinner and whatever have you with just myself, maybe a Bible, or chatting with Him or singing worship to Him. And I was SOOOO reluctant. I had never even tried it once before today, even though it was really clear to me two weeks ago (that time that I spent 2 hours with God) that He was "asking me out." I kept thinking how awful it would be to arrive at the movies and look up at the ticket agent and me like, "YES, I just want ONE ticket." Or go to a restauraunt and be like, "Yes, a table for ONE please." How awful I thought it would be.

But I finally said Yes to God today- He gave me the idea that since I'd be downtown where my church was anyhow, I should go to the park there and on a picnic with Him. So I packed a blanket, clothes to change into after church, and lunch- God even packed some lunch for me!! I opened up my lunch box, which I like NEVER use, and in the bottom of if was a bag of Fritos and a chocolate chip cookie. I don't even remember when I put that in there- but it was there, and I knew it was God packing for me. :) I added a Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwhich, some fruit punch, and a can of mandarin oranges...and then packed an umbrella for good measure, "just incase" I thought.

On my way to church, I looked up at the sky, and it was overcast. And then I got sad, I was like, "Oh no, if it rains...that'd be like God standing me up because I am FINALLY going out with Him!!" But then I was like, "nah, it won't rain, God wouldn't do that to me." Along the way, I saw maybe 6 couples walking along holding hands, and I smiled to myself and said, "I'M going out with GOD...HE'S the best-looking guy alive...I feel sorry for you, you're not with Him!" And for the first time in my life, I didn't want what they had, I was truly content that I was with God. I mean, how can you not be, He seriously IS the best thing out there!!

There was a potluck after church but I didn't stay because I really wanted to put God first above EVERY distraction...even though I was super hungry and could use free food ANYtime. As I left the church, guess what-it was sprinkling.

Immediately I started feeling like crying, I was like, "Not even GOD wants to be with me," but I headed towards the park anyway, because I was determined not to stop, and I figured I should make an effort to meet God there even if He was going to "stand me up" by letting it rain, because I really felt He had called me to go there this morning.

When I got to the park, it had stopped sprinkling, but the sky was still overcast, and as I made the 10 minute walk across to the waterfountain at the other end, there was just this dark heavy feeling the whole way...but when I reached the beautiful water fountain, I looked up, and the sun was out and I just felt all that fall away, and a timid smile broke across my face as I sat down on a bench and just opened up my Bible and started writing in my prayer journal and telling God all that had made me sad in the last day.

It started sprinkling again, so I opened up my umbrella and kept writing. Truly being in God's presence really DOES bring joy, rain or no rain. Well, it started to rain harder and instead of thinking it was God leaving me, I thought, "Ha ha, nice try Satan, it's not going to work, God is with me, and He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me!! (Hebrews 13:5b), so even if the rain keeps pouring, you can't steal my joy."

Eventually the rain started REALLY pouring down, and I got wet under the umbrella, so I decided it was time to head back to the car and then maybe wait out the rainshower. The whole way back, I was filled with joy, and literally got to "sing in the rain," only not that song from the 1950s movie (ha ha), but the one God gave me there, about how Satan ("you") could not steal my joy because joy isn't based on circumstances but on God, all set to the tune of American Idol RJ. Helton's "Delicate Child" song.

I got to the car, and kept singing, changing eventually to "Jesus Lover of my Soul" and "You are my All in All" until I eventually just collapsed from...exhaustion I guess. And the rain? Well, it ended up being music that helped me fall asleep...:)